I love Martin Scorsese. I really do. He is a big part of the reason that I wanted to make movies to begin with. I still have the copy of Raging Bull that I taped from HBO when I was 10. It is on a VHS tape with a masking tape label and it is currently being used as a doorstop in my parents house. Whatever, those VHS tapes are durable, nothing is going to happen to the movie. Anywhoo, this man has deserved to have awards thrown at him from moving vehicles for years. Raging Bull, After Hours, Good (fuckin) Fellas, shit even Casino looks good in retrospect. But while I have always wanted to see this:
I can't help thinking about the fact that he received it for his laziest film to date. Bringing out the Dead looks like a masterpiece compared to The Departed. While The Departed certainly joins the ranks of other stinkers like Sideways, Lost In Translation, Chicago, and The English Patient (not to mention Little Miss Sunshine) in the 'Oh well, the New York Times liked it, and it has movie stars, so I guess I think it is brilliant' club, at least those films were competent. They might have been overwrought, pretentious and boring, but they did not have egregious errors that one typically sees in student films.
I feel like I am the only person who noticed, and then was in turn bothered by, the fact that Gimme Shelter WAS IN THE FUCKING MOVIE TWICE!
Scorsese: Let's put Gimme Shelter in this scene.
Editor: But Marty, you opened the movie with that. Why do you want to use it again?
Scorsese: Oh, shit I'm sorry. Is your name Martin Scorsese? Did you used to do coke with Robert De Niro? Did you discover Harvey Keitel and make Ray Liotta a legitimate actor? I guess it was YOUR idea to enter the Copa in one stedicam take. Shit, well why don't I just leave and let YOU finish the movie, huh? What do I know anyway? It isn't like I have been nominated for Oscars or anything? If I want every scene to start and finish with Gimme Shelter, then that's what's going to happen. If I want it to be Jack Nicholson's fucking ringtone, then that's what will happen. You got it, fatty?
Editor: Speaking of which, this movie depends an awful lot on the usage of cell phones. Was that your idea?
Scorsese: If I wasn't senile and incompetent, I would fire you.
Don't even get me started on those accents. Only DiCaprio shows up as a serious performer. Baldwin and Wahlberg make the movie watchable, but only for comedic reasons. Also comedic, watching Matt Damon try and convince himself he isn't a charisma black hole. He must have sold his personality to watch Ben Affleck nail the Alias every week.
But like I said, I don't give a shit.
I'm telling you, I'm going to win an Oscar for this movie? Why are you laughing? What's so funny? What the fuck are you laughing at? What, am I a clown? I'm here to amuse you? I'm here to fuckin amuse you? Who just called me a midget?
2 comments:
Wow dude, you really hated The Departed, didn't you.
I do like the title of this post though, quite humorous.
Seems you feel the acadamy acted in a wicked retahded manner... At least the show wasn't boring...oh wait, uh...
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